Food and Culture Prodigy in Rutgers Preparatory School

Dear Master Zardox, 

Hereby, commander Zorgon is reporting an analysis of Rutgers Preparatory School in Planet Earth. Without further ado, based on the food and culture in RPS, I can guarantee with my life that taking over this school will be the easiest mission that we’ll ever accomplish. On the first day here, the students had burgers and fries. From these food, I learned that it is actually possible for a school cafeteria to ruined a burger. I guess it’s true, “Impossible is Nothing.” The meat patty is black, it’s completely overcooked. The so-called garden burgers were also black, they totally have a lot of courage to named that “garden” burger. I mean, RPS students were outstanding and wearing these fancy clothing, but the cafeteria failed to prepare a simple cafeteria menu, burgers. How can you expect these bright students to be the leaders of the future when you’re serving them dry and overcooked burgers?

I saw students grilled sandwiches with a paper bag. What kind of a private school requires students to grill a sandwich with a paper bag? Rutgers Preparatory School! It was the most hilarious thing ever, the paper bag got burned and everything turned out to be black. When the students were trying to take their sandwiches off the paper bag, the paper bag sticks with the sandwich and it was all a mess. It’s so sad to watch these “leaders of the future” eat at this cafeteria. However, at least they have a salad bar and some fruits. I mean, it’s not possible to messed up fresh fruits or chopped fresh vegetables. The majority of the girls ate salad and sandwich, while the boys ate the burgers and fries. I guess RPS boys don’t care much about the taste as long as there are a lot of carbs and proteins. 

The cafeteria also offers a wide assortments of drinks, such as Lemonade, Sweetened Ice Tea, Cranberry and Apple juices. Along with a dessert of marshmallow bars, I think that RPS students have an extremely sweet tooth. No wonder they’re so smart, the cafeteria also provides 2% and skim milk.

The next day, RPS totally live up to its name, Diversity. I’m not sure if there’s some kind of Cambodian or Thailand national holiday or something, but the cafeteria managed to offer Cambodian and Thailand food. There were Pad Thai, Mouan Ang and Num Chet. I don’t understand why they don’t just find an english name for it. Well, the Mouan Ang apparently was a grilled chicken. I understand they’re trying to amaze the students with fancy food, but it was an epic failure. Pad Thai is supposed to be stir-fried noodles, but instead they used rice vermicelli. When a cafeteria in a prestigious private school couldn’t even differentiate rice vermicelli and noodles, that means we need to commence a takeover as soon as possible. 

With all due respect, 

Commander Zorgon